I assume I'm not alone in admitting that I have a somewhat complicated relationship with fitness. I grew up as an athlete, often times jumping between two different sports in any given day, and thrived in team-based, competitive environments. But that all changed when I graduated and it's been something I've struggled with since.
Any semblance of structure that I'd had up until that point changed drastically. In high school, I knew what to expect each day. Classes ended at the same time, followed by sports practice (either track, soccer, or basketball), dinner, and then onto my homework. As a creature of habit, this sort of regimented schedule worked for me. I never had to think about staying fit because I simply showed up to practice each day where a coach would tell me what to do and I'd follow his or her instructions. And I loved it. Before I went away to school, I didn't realize how much I'd relied on that structure and how difficult it was to find that kind of discipline on my own.
I ended up losing a lot of my strength and gaining a bit of weight, thanks to my newly sedentary lifestyle paired with dessert after every meal. Frozen yogurt after breakfast? Sure thing! A handful of just-out-of-the-oven cookies after lunch? Yes, please! I basically had no willpower when it came to my food consumption and I also wasn't exercising. After a few years rolled by though, I was ready to make some changes. I started joining my friends at the gym, all of us lined up, pumping away furiously on our ellipticals. It was something I looked forward to and since I had enough free time, I always made it a priority.
Since then, my exercise habits have been sporadic at best. I'll have spurts where I'll work out consistently for months at a time - working out at the gym or at home, a yoga class, running, or even going for group spin classes. But nothing sticks. I'm impressively good at coming up with excuses - whether I get bored, injured, or come up with enough schedule conflicts. The truth is: I don't make the time. For a while I made it a priority to go for a walk each morning. That was the daily activity.
I've gotten a lot of questions about my exercise routine over the years and it's something I've never known quite how to address. I have a naturally athletic build.
Some days I get really down on myself since I'm not as active as I'd like to be. I realize the importance of making time for myself (not just everything around me) and making my health a priority. I want to be one of those people that has "their thing" - like my mom, who does laps at the pool a few days a week, my friends who are fiercely dedicated to their yoga practices, or Matthew, who's recently fallen in the habit of going to the gym at work every day.
I struggle with the fact that a lot of my identity used to be so closely tied to being an athlete. But with everything I do, I try to look at where I am currently as just a stage in my life. Things will shift over time and eventually, I'm confident I'll feel that pull towards being active and the addictive endorphin rush that accompanies it.
